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Citing deep and personal regret, Russell Brand has announced he is to step down as Russell Brand with immediate effect.
Saying that the British people had spoken and he had to respect that in spite of his personal overwe’ening arrogance, Brand said that his current position as Russell Brand was unsustainable.
Brand will leave cluelessly fucking about with politics and seek a new career cluelessly fucking around with something else.
Brand invited several hundred reporters to witness him beginning his new life away from the gaze of the press.
“This is a catastrophic result for me and heartbreaking for my many Twitter followers”, he told assembled activists.
“Despite encouraging people not to vote the number of people who voted actually went up.”
“Clearly this makes my position untenable.”
Brand has vowed to step away from public life by making several more sequels to Get him to the Greek, where he hopes he can live quietly without anyone noticing him.
