Cameron rushed to hospital with chronic smugness

author avatar by 9 years ago

After a stunning night at the polls, David Cameron was left unable to celebrate as he was rushed to hospital with a chronic case of smugness.

“No, it’s not serious,” said Doctor Greene, speaking from Mr Cameron’s palatial private hospital made of gold.

“But it is certainly one of the most chronic cases of smugness that I’ve ever seen, and speaking as a physician who exclusively treats the rich, famous, and extremely fat, that’s saying something.”

Mr Cameron runs at a very high natural level of smugness, so it is really no surprise that this election result has triggered such a chronic attack.

The attack of overwhelming smugness came on at around four in the morning, just after the Tories took Ed Balls’ constituency of Morley and Outwood.

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“He was up and looking smug, very smug, smugger than usual, which is, obviously, dangerous for a man of the PM’s level of smugness,” said an aide.

“Then the Ed Ball’s result came on, and he just collapsed on the floor, giggling and repeating ‘I’m the ruddy best, I’m the ruddy best,’ over and over again. It was very scary”

Mr Cameron is expected to make a full recovery and will also be comforted by the words of support London Major Boris Johnson.

“Don’t worry Dave, I’m right here, ready to take over whenever you’re gone…for whatever reason.”