Politicians now only distinguishable by tie colour

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With news that Labour has committed to renewing Trident, it has now become virtually impossible for ordinary voters to tell which party a politician represents purely from their policies.

With all parties promising a program of austerity, committing to Trident, and being as nasty to foreigners as possible, it is increasingly difficult for people to remember if Vince Cable is a nice Tory, Harriet Harman is a strident Lib-Dem, or what the hell Nick Clegg is for.

“I sympathise entirely,” said an anonymous Labour candidate.

“I was at a hustings yesterday, extolling the virtue of getting people off benefits and I was this close to telling people to vote for David Cameron for another five years.”

With a week to go it seems that confusion exists amongst the electorate

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“I was there listening to some appalling Tory spouting off,” said Stephen Emmsworth of Dorset.

“I had a handful of dog poo and was ready to let fly before I noticed the colour of the tie was red, and it was actually Ed Balls of Labour.”

“I mean, I plan to vote for them, but I let fly anyway – it was Ed Balls, for heaven sake.”

For the remaining week of the election, candidates have agreed to wear ideologically consistent neck wear, blue for Tories, yellow for Lib-dems, and UKIP’s ties will, of course, be any colour but black.