The Sun has exclusively revealed SNP leader Nicola Sturgeon’s pornographic past after it discovered she once made her dolls ‘kiss’.
The popular Scottish politician is in danger of leading to an election outcome that The Sun doesn’t like, and so it has responsibly chosen to reveal the numerous badly plotted ‘scenes’ in which her dolls interacted ‘sexually’.
The Sun editorial team revealed, “Nicola Sturgeon indulged her sick sexual fantasies on the childhood toys of her sister, and now she wants to control Parliament!”
It went on, “The SNP leader spent her formative years forcing dolls to embrace and kiss each other without a care for what was best for them, or the country they existed in.”
“Through scenes that included ‘the picnic’, ‘homework time’ and ‘holidays’ Sturgeon created dozens of fake sexually charged environments for the dolls to re-enact her deepest desires.”
“And she doesn’t even deny this sick filth!”
Nicola Sturgeon dollgate
Scottish voter Simon Williams told us, “I was considering voting SNP because of their policies and stuff, but how can I in good conscience vote for a party led by a woman with such a seedy past?”
“I mean, The Sun has done me a great favour in revealing what Nicola did to the dolls she and her sister owned as a child – and they didn’t have to hack a single phone to do it, so well done them!.”
“I can’t believe I might have voted for the SNP based on their policies and political agenda, instead of deciding who to vote for based on what she did with toys as a little girl.”
“Let’s keep this filthy woman out of power!”