Star Wars: The Force Awakens to be released in 2-minute long segments

author avatar by 9 years ago

Fan reaction to the recent Star Wars trailer has convinced Disney to release the rest of the film in the same format, we can report.

Two minutes of randomly selected footage will be spliced together and released with a swelling score and portentous voiceover every week between now and 2016 ‘to satisfy audience demand’, we were told.

No Star Wars film since 1983 has been better than the trailer which preceded it, and Disney are keen to avoid disappointing their fans like George Lucas did.

“We recorded strong, positive audience response to two minutes of Star Wars”, said a Disney marketing Executive.

“This clearly shows an appetite for the rest of the film to be delivered the same way.”

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“It’s a new way of telling the story, which will allow Internet commentators to slowly infer the story from spoilers and obsessive re-watching week by week.”

Disney have also announced that to attempt to reach the widest possible audience, Princess Leia and Han Solo will sing Let It Go as a duet over the closing titles.

“Who cares?” said one fan.

“Still better than The Phantom Menace.”