Glastonbury just trolling trustafarians now, confirm organisers

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Trustafarians have reacted with shock and confusion to the news that Motörhead will be appearing on the main stage at this year’s Glastonbury festival.

The revelation comes only weeks after ticket holders learned they were going to have to pretend to like Kanye West to avoid being ostracised by their friends.

Regular Glasto-goers have insisted that instead of Kanye and Motörhead they’d much prefer an unthreatening ginger midget with a guitar warbling on about his ex, thanks very much.

“I don’t go to Glasto to be challenged,” said Marketing diploma student Poppy Hunter, 21.

“I go for the vibe. I want to listen to music I can hear every day on 6 Music, take drugs off someone I’ve never met before, and have casual sex with people just like me.”

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“And trust me, none of those things involve Lemmy.”

Poppy was then played some tracks by The Fall, who are also appearing, whereupon she started to cry.

Glastonbury goes full ‘troll’

When asked, organiser Michael Eavis told us that the critics are wrong, and Glastonbury is all about taking risks.

“If you like to gamble I tell you I’m your man,” he confirmed.

“You win some, you lose some, it’s all the same to me.”

Tickets for next year’s event are already sold out, and Eavis is already planning how hard he’ll laugh when people learn the headline act will be the Wurzels.