The Green Party will generate heat and power for Britain by burning an unprecedented amount of money, according to their manifesto launched this morning.
Pledging to move away from fossil fuels, the Greens intend to ‘cut out the middle man’, and help people keep warm by setting light to whopping great piles of readies.
In a move which is seen as “attacking Labour from the left”, the Greens are targeting their core vote with the popular left-wing policy of taking the money off people they don’t like before setting light to it.
Green leader Natalie Bennett confirmed she believed this action would be entirely consequence-free.
She told reporters, “As money is made of paper, burning it is carbon-neutral and it is expected the UK could be self-sufficient for several weeks under a Green government, right up until it all ran out.”
“This would make a not insubstantial contribution to the fight against climate change,” we were told.
When reporters asked what would happen next, Caroline Lucas confirmed the party would change its name to the Soylent Green Party and “move on with the next stage of the plan’, which would be announced closer to the time.