The new labour manifesto contains multiple references to a better future for muggles and a need to end the reign of Voldemort, it was revealed this morning.
In a stunning break from reality, the election document focusses on the plight of ordinary muggles struggling to get by in a time of austerity at the hands of Lord Voldemort.
Key election pledges include the need to change the Voldemort policy of punishing poor people, and greater rights for the muggle community.
A Labour spokesperson explained, “Our manifesto outlines what we think is important to today’s fantasy-obsessed society.”
“We’ve already used Bilbo Baggins in our promotional materials, so we’re keen to secure the demographic of people who think Harry Potter is real.”
“Unfortunately there are people who are more concerned with whether Quidditch is available on terrestrial television, than what their minimum wage packet looks like at the end of the week.”
“Which is why we have an entire section on how we will help businesses on Diagon Alley thrive under a Labour government, and how we will ensure class sizes at Hogwarts will always be less than twenty-five per teacher.”
“Yes, setting our manifesto in the Harry Potter universe is an unusual tactic, but frankly it’s the only way we could think to make sure people actually read it.”
“It’s already our best-selling manifesto by quite some way.”