The major political parties have clashed today over whether the cat is going up or down the stairs, an issue seemingly dominating the electorate’s agenda.
Labour have insisted the cat is heading down, much like the living standards for much of the nation, whilst the conservatives insist the cat is heading upwards like the economy.
Ed Miliband said, “Under a conservative government this cat has clearly had no choice but to head down into the basement to survive.”
“There are probably food banks at the bottom of those stairs.”
However David Cameron said, “The cat is clearly going up the stairs, heading higher every step like the aspirations of a nation under a Conservative government.”
“Leaving behind it the lower stairs it he was forced to occupy under the last Labour government.”
Ukip leader Nigel Farage took a different view, telling reporters, “Look, the cat it’s obviously a Persian and shouldn’t even be on those stairs in the first place.”
“A Ukip government would see the cat staying outside where it belongs.”
Nick Clegg said, “I’ll have the cat going in any direction you want it to go, as long as I can say I was involved in the decision. You just say the word.”
Green party leader Natalie Bennett had the last word, telling reporters, “The dress was white and gold, definitely.”