America announces plans to bring ‘freedom and democracy’ to oil-rich Gatwick region

author avatar by 9 years ago

US officials have released a report that shows the Gatwick region of the United Kingdom is in desperate need of some american-style democracy.

The report follows the publication of findings that suggest the region is sitting on 100 billion barrels of oil, which the US insists could be used to bring ‘true freedom’ to the area.

Critics claim that the ‘complete lack of any evidence whatsoever’ linking Gatwick to being under the control of an oppressive regime makes an invasion untenable.

A criticism the US State department has strenuously denied, “Even if you don’t consider the Tories particularly oppressive, fortunately we have such strong religious faith that we are able to ignore such liberalised, rational arguments.”

David Cameron has so far refused to comment on the US plans, although he did promise them a ‘special relationship’ should things progress.

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Gatwick oil find

The people of Gatwick have asked if they are now suddenly rich, and whether they should start shopping for gold-plated Rolls Royce’s and helicopters.

However a US state official explained, “No, that’s not a good idea. You know what’s more valuable than money? Your freedom, and the freedom that can only be offered by american military intervention.”

“We will free you from the tyrannical bonds of your oil reserves, and let you create a new society in the ashes we leave behind.”

“God bless America.”