Fast & Furious 7 prompts major rewrite to the laws of physics

author avatar by 9 years ago

The Laws of Physics are to be extensively rewritten after scientists watched Fast and Furious 7 over the weekend.

Members of the Department of Physics at Oxford University saw the film on Sunday evening during a team night out after plans to go bowling fell through, resulting in a major discussion about how fundamental laws were going to have to be changed.

Members of the department had decided not to go bowling as that just always leads to arguments about Chaos Theory and Brownian Motion, but the cinema trip may have far-reaching effects on how we see the universe.

“For years we thought that certain rules – gravity, thermodynamics, stuff like that – were integral to the orderly function of what we perceive as reality,” said Professor Nigel Cunliffe.

“Turns out we were talking crap. Who knew?”

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Fast and Furious 7

The team will be carrying out a series of experiments on whether it is possible to make a car go faster by shooting it with a rocket over the next week, and have asked for a budget to carry out the tests in a five-star hotel in Abu Dhabi in order to replicate the conditions shown in the film.

Once those experiments are complete the department plans to move on to testing whether it’s possible to get a succession of unguided cars thrown out of the back of a moving aeroplane to all land on the same spot, whether hiding behind a table can save you from a high-explosive grenade, and whether Michelle Rodriguez will really cop off with a slightly chunky middle-aged bloke.

Professor Cunliffe went on to say that the film could well have startling repercussions to other areas of science as well.

“We’re taking the Department of Medicine to see it next week. They’re really going to have to buck up their ideas about the effects of blunt-force trauma.”

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