Daily Mail runs front page that doesn’t attack Ed Miliband

author avatar by 9 years ago

The Daily Mail has stunned its readers this morning by running a front page that doesn’t feature a highly personal attack on the Labour leader.

“Frankly, I think it’s a bloody disgrace,” said Prime Minister David Cameron

“We’ve done everything to keep Paul Dacre happy, and I mean EVERYTHING; George’s wrist is terribly sore.”

“I think the least we can expect is 6 weeks of relentless personal attacks on Ed Miliband.”

“Stuff like ‘Ed Miliband still wets the bed,’ ‘Ed Miliband has a blow-up sex doll shaped like Stalin,’ ‘Ed Miliband’s mother was a duck.’ That sort of thing.”

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“We have huge sums of money behind us and the endorsement of very rich people – who we bloody love – but I don’t see how we can be expected to win without daily personal attacks on Miliband from our army of press mouthpieces.”

Daily Mail front page ignored Miliband

Today’s Daily Mail front page is an attack on a man with many children, leaving many of its readers confused.

“Well, I know I have to hate this man because he has many children,” said Daily Mail reader and sludge churner Simon Williams.

“But, I’m not sure what to think about Ed Miliband today, should I hate him? I’m not sure. I’m a Daily Mail reader so I find it very difficult to hold two concepts in my head at once.”

Luckily for the Tories, the Telegraph was able to pick up the Mail’s slack with its sensitive and enlightening piece – ’23 reasons why Ed Miliband is a boggle-eyed nobber’.