The Professional Footballers Association is claiming success after 60% of its members earned a passing grade C or above on their new Sexual Consent Course.
The first exams were taken by players at Brighton Hove Albion FC, and the PFA has hailed the fact that more than half of the footballers who attended are now qualified in gaining appropriate levels of consent from prospective sexual partners.
A spokesperson for the PFA told reporters, “For too long the image of footballers as overly wealthy rape-hungry animals has been commonplace in society, but this course will go a long way to changing that perception.”
“Already the results are clear, over 60% know when not to rape someone, and with exam retakes over the summer we expect that figure to be over 80% – which is frankly brilliant considering where we started.”
“I hope that one day everyone in society will be able to interact with a footballer without the slightest concern that they might get raped.”
“Of course, some people are focussing on the 40% who failed this first course, but no-one talks about the 10% who actually got grade As. I guarantee they won’t rape anyone, ever.”
Footballer’s sexual consent course
Pedagogical experts have criticised the course’s syllabus, insisting that simply presenting a number of scenarios with ‘have sex’ and ‘do not have sex’ as a multiple choice answer does little expand the students understanding.
As one explained, “It won’t take long, even for a footballer with limited intellect, to realise that answering ‘do not have sex’ in every situation will get them a passing mark.”
“But then again, maybe I’m giving them too much credit?”