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Several incredibly rich people have had their minions type a letter in which they have declared their wholehearted support for the party that wholeheartedly supports them.
“This is wonderful news,” said Prime Minister David Cameron, in case you weren’t entirely sure who they were supporting.
“It’s great to know that rich people support us, because we bloody love rich people.”
“They are by far and away our favourite type of people, in fact I have just gone from six to midnight thinking about rich people.”
Sir Phillip Green is a very rich shopkeeper, who is also friends with Kate Moss.
He told us, “I very much support the Tories, because they are not going to give me all that rot about the minimum wage and toilet breaks and whatnot – and they let me do pretty much what I like. Splendid.”
The declaration from rich people also seems to have bolstered Tory grassroots support.
“I think it’s great news,” said idiot and Tory supporter Simon Williams.
“Rich people are awesome, and they must know best about all sorts of things because they’re really rich.”
“I’ll definitely be doing what the really rich people tell me to do, and so I’ll vote for the Tories. I strongly suggest you all do the same, then we can all be incredibly rich simply by voting the same way as these rich people.”
When asked, poor people were far too busy figuring out how to survive the Tory’s crippling cuts to comment on the news.
