Hobbits are all bastards, claims Daily Mail

author avatar by 9 years ago

The Daily Mail this morning launched a stinging attack on hobbits after Martin Freeman appeared in a Labour campaign advert.

“Hobbits are all communists, benefit cheats and paedophiles,” thundered the piece.

“They smoke ‘leaf,’ a hobbit slang word for marijuana skunk, and spend their days drinking and stealing vegetables from local hard-working farmers.”

“Hobbits are all hairy footed bastards, and it’s typical of a Labour leader to take pride in their support.”

Hobbits are a fictional race of creatures from Middle Earth. The most famous being Frodo Baggins who took a ring to Mordor and had to be rescued by giant eagles, leading many to question why the eagles couldn’t just have taken the ring to Mordor themselves.

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Daily Mail reader and local slug-balancer Simon Williams was concerned by the piece.

“I think they’ve got a point,” he said.

“I mean, that’s a hobbit, there on the television, and he’s telling people to vote Labour.”

“I don’t think that’s right, especially if he’s a communist paedophile hobbit like the Mail says.”

Labour leader Ed Miliband was bemused.

“This is ridiculous. Hobbits are fictional. They don’t exist. They’re entirely made-up creatures. Labour operates in the real world and deals with real people” he said.

“That’s why we chose Tim from the Office for the advert.”