Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg is ‘hanging round Buck House like a fart in a Volkswagen’, we can report today.
The Liberal Democrat leader, who traveled to Bucking ham Palace today to mark the dissolution of Parliament, has yet to come out again and according to Palace insiders is hanging around, repeatedly asking for yet another glass of water and generally trying to look like he has a reason to still be there.
Clegg had a brief meeting with the Queen during which he asked for her autograph and tried to show her his holiday photographs, since which point he has been awkwardly making conversation with staff, opening and closing drawers and looking into state rooms.
Sources close to the Queen suggest that he hasn’t been asked to leave as it looks like he’s going to cry and nobody wants to set him off.
“We’ve tried to get hold of his wife and ask her to come and get him, but she’s not taking calls.”
“We think she’s enjoying a last day of peace and quiet before he’s at home for good,” we were told.
Palace officials are apparently desperate to get rid of Clegg before 4pm, as that’s when her Majesty is accustomed to sit on her throne with a stiff gin and laugh hysterically and he might spoil it for her.