The SNP election manifesto will be an 80’s-style ‘choose your own adventure’ book, it has been announced today.
Like the 1980s “Fighting Fantasy” books, the manifesto will be set in a magical fairyland of plenty where everything bad is caused by horrid monsters from outside.
SNP leader Nicola Sturgeon told reporters that the SNP had spent years getting support by telling people anything at all, no matter how contradictory, and the manifesto would cut out the middleman and let voters do it for themselves.
“If you want our policy on tax to be ‘squeeze the rich’, turn to page 14”, she said.
“If you want it to be ‘a business-friendly competitive tax environment’, turn to page 76.”
“And if you want to know what we think the oil price will be, turn to pages 7, 9, 17, 28, 44, 73, 74, 125, 149, 190 or 213, as there’ll be a different answer on every page.”
Meanwhile readers will be invited to turn to page 51 to be a part of a ‘Nordic arc of prosperity’ or page 60 to join the Euro.
No page number is given for an option for a currency union outside the UK.
Meanwhile, the entry reading “If you think Scotland should be an Independent country, turn to page 405” has been criticised as the book has only 400 pages.
The major villain of the book is a terrible dragon called “Maggie”, whom the reader is discouraged from learning was defeated twenty-five years before the book actually begins.
“We hope people won’t read that part”, admitted Sturgeon.