New poll shows televised leaders debate won by King Richard III

author avatar by 9 years ago

Early polling indicates that last night’s televised leaders debate between David Cameron and Ed Miliband was won by King Richard III by a wide margin.

The last Plantagenet Monarch, who died in 1485, was rated more highly than either on both credibility and leadership by voters.

Despite having murdered his own nephews, Richard was also judged less likely to stab a close family member for power than Ed Miliband.

Additionally, Richard was praised for his defense policy as viewers pointed out that his position of “A horse! A horse!” showed considerably more support for the armed forces than they currently get.

Whilst both Cameron and Miliband came under fire for ‘waffle’ when answering questions, Richard was praised for maintaining a stoical silence under pressure.

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“After all the bickering you normally get from politicians, Richard was like a breath of fresh air”, said Pearl Harker, 93, of Strathclyde.

“It showed he was really thinking.”

When told silence actually showed Richard had been dead for five hundred years, Pearl pointed out that he could still remember his policies better than Natalie Bennett.

The burial of King Richard was watched by millions yesterday, though the BBC has told viewers they will probably have to wait until May to see Ed Miliband’s.