‘Unhealthy’ Preston admits mistake in installing open sewer system on High Street

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Local councillors in Preston have suggested that the decision to install an open sewer in the ‘Unhealthiest High Street in Britain’ was, on balance, a mistake.

After a length survey Preston has recently been named the most unhealthy High Street in Britain, worse even than many High Streets in Scotland.

“The open sewer system was possibly not our best idea,” said councillor Jim Heaton

“It’s smelly, unsightly, and it has led to several outbreaks of Plague in the city.”

The High Street health survey rated numerous aspects of High Streets, those with health centres, cafes and museums scoring highly.

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“Oh, no, we haven’t got any of those,” continued Mr Heaton.

“You can get a plastic cup of orange squash from the fruit machine arcade, apparently that didn’t count as an ‘independent café’ though.”

There were numerous other aspects of Preston’s High Street that let it down; the pornography emporium, the cock-fighting arena and the ISIS recruiting centre being considered particularly unhealthy.

“We are really disappointed with this survey,” said Mr Heaton.

“We feel that they’ve missed out on numerous positive aspects of the High Street such as…well…um, there are definitely many positive aspects.”

Mr Heaton was just leaving a council meeting to approve the construction of a nuclear waste disposal facility on the High Street next to Morrisons.