New research which mapped the personalities of 380 places in Great Britain has found that the entire nation is essentially packed full of arseholes and morons.
An online survey was conducted over two years and nearly 400,000 people took part, covering the 380 local authority areas of England, Wales and Scotland – each of which is seemingly overrun with stupid pricks.
When respondents were asked what they thought of those people living around them, the number one response given was “they’re all stupid arseholes”.
Basingstoke respondent Simon Williams said, “People are essentially scum, so it doesn’t matter where you live because the people around you will be terrible, terrible human beings. There is no avoiding it.”
“There is literally no-one around here that I would describe as having a single redeeming feature.”
“Avoid it. Avoid it if you can.”
However a neighbour of Mr Williams told us, “Simon is a stupid arsehole, definitely. I wouldn’t listen to what he told you about me.”
“The only thing he was right about is how everyone else is a stupid arsehole.”
“But he was definitely wrong about me.”
Researchers at the University of Cambridge who analysed the results said that the conclusions had surprised them.
As one explained, “Based on anecdotal evidence gather before the survey, we had predicted a British arsehole concentration of around 75% – but it seems it’s far closer to 99.8%”
“Thankfully I’m part of the 0.2%”