David Cameron insists he will remain seated for entire third term

author avatar by 9 years ago

David Cameron has ruled out standing for a third term as Prime Minister, insisting he would prefer to sit on a throne made of poor people throughout his third period in power.

Cameron was talking to reporters ahead of the election campaign, and said that after two terms as Prime Minister he would probably want to sit back and rule the country from a more reclined position.

He said, “After ten years of being the boss of everything I will probably want to start taking it easier, and I’d like to do that sat on a throne made of poor people.”

“Or if that’s against some European law or another, I’ll settle for an ice throne made from their tears.”

When pressed on what he meant exactly by ‘not standing’, he continued, “I don’t want to have to stand up – at all – during my third term. I’m not sure I can any clearer?”

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“I’m thinking we could have a few employees on zero hour minimum wage contracts to carry me around when I have to be somewhere – as long as I don’t have to stand or use my legs in any capacity.”

“Walking around is such a drag. I’ve noticed that when I stay sat down in one of my nice chairs I never have to meet any members of the public – and the more I sit, the fewer I meet.”

“So if I refuse to stand at all then I might get to avoid them altogether.”