Premier League top four to advise Greece on successful European exits

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Premier League clubs are set to advise Greek ministers on conducting a seamless exit from Europe, according to reports today.

A number of the premier league’s top teams are reportedly keen to convert their inept footballing tactics into a comprehensive guide on removing yourself from an unfavourable European environment.

A Manchester City spokesman, Simon Williams, claims his club’s expertise in early European exits leaves them perfectly placed to adopt a consultancy role helping the newly elected Greek government with their own exit strategy.

“After seasons of failure in our attempts to embrace the European way, we can see a certain symmetry with ourselves and Greece,” he told reporters.

“Removing an entire nation from a political structure that sees the rich get richer and the poor get poorer, is slightly more tricky than removing a crap team from a football competition which adopts more-or-less the same principle.”

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European exits

Arsenal manager, Arsene Wenger insisted his side were best positioned to hold discussions with Greece in order to help them achieve their long-term goals.

“There are a great many factors involved in successfully removing yourself from Europe, and there is no ‘quick fix’.”

“However, if Greece are keen to get out of Europe at the earliest convenient moment, I would recommend them putting a 6 foot 6 blonde German in the centre of their defence.”

“It worked for us.”