After ‘untouchable’ Jeremy Clarkson was suspended by the BBC, viewers have been left wondering exactly how many people he murdered in the fracas that led to his suspension.
The corporation is currently remaining tight-lipped on the details, though insiders say the eventual body count could run into the hundreds.
As one source told us, “He spent all morning wandering around murdering innocent people – all on camera of course – but the producers just insisted on a recorded apology that they could put on the website somewhere.”
“But then he apparently ripped out the throats of at least two senior producers, smearing himself in their blood whilst dancing around their twitching corpses – so they had no option but to send him home and cancel this Sunday’s broadcast.”
A BBC spokesperson told us, “There are limits to what the BBC will happily accept from its presenters, and casual racism is one of those things it is happy to accept.”
“But there are only so many senseless murders a presenter can undertake before we have to take decisive action.”
“Jeremy will be suspended on full pay until we find a plausible reason as to why he had to kill all of those people.”
Jeremy Clarkson suspended
Fans of the show have insisted that although murdering people is technically ‘a bad thing’, they are sure the victims probably deserved it.
Long term fan Simon Williams told us, “Jezza isn’t the sort to murder people for no reason, so I’m sure there’s more to this than meets the eye.”
“But at the end of the day it’s just a few dozen human lives – is that really a good reason to ruin my Sunday evening?”
“No, no it’s not.”