Harrison Ford’s attempt to redo the Kessel run in less than 12 parsecs ends in disaster

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Harrison Ford is expected to make a full recovery after crashing on a Los Angeles golf course whilst attempting the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs.

Ford has long been keen to prove that it is possible to complete the famous smuggler’s run in less than 12 parsecs after making the claim in a hive of scum and villainy a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away.

“Goddamn right it’s possible to do the Kessel run in under 12 parsecs,” he said as he kicked the 1942 Ryan Aeronautical ST3KR he used for the attempt.

“I told the old man and the kid that, and I’m telling you that.”

This was a reference to controversial meeting which saw Ford long suspected of an unprovoked murder, until recently revealed CCTV images show that the victim; Greedo, actually shot at Ford first and that he was simply defending himself.

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Ford appeared bitter about his plane, but he angrily defended the craft after one young witness described it as a ‘piece of junk’.

He told them, “She may not look like much, but she’s got it where it counts, kid. I’ve made a lot of special modifications myself.”

“I would have made it if I’d had the Millennium Falcon, but oh no, they needed that for the battle between Luke’s twin sons around the moon of Kashyyyk, before Darth Vader comes back as a ghost and C3P0 finally comes out of the closet.”

“Damn, I probably shouldn’t have told you that.”