‘Jihadi John’ a sweet and gentle man, say people he hasn’t murdered yet

author avatar by 9 years ago

The ISIS executioner ‘Jihadi John’ has been called ‘kind and gentle’ by a man whose head is still firmly attached to his shoulders.

The killer, who has gained notoriety for beheading people on the internet, has been tentatively identified as being from London and this has led to him being described as ‘gentle’ and ‘calm’ by some people he hasn’t killed yet.

In a near textbook demonstration of the Stockholm syndrome they say they sympathise with his ‘position’ despite it being nihilistic nonsense and devoid of rational justification.

Guardian reader Harriet Yardley, who lives in a gated community somewhere rather nice, said “Clearly his killings are our fault for being a tolerant and pluralist society.”

“If we just did exactly as we were told then he wouldn’t have to behead anyone.”

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“When you look at it like that, he’s actually the victim here.”

“Do you know who is really to blame?”, she added. “Thatcher.”

The terrorist has issued a statement in response to the identification.

“Heeeeeeere’s Johnny!”, it read.