Aldi to rebrand as ‘ValueBastard’

author avatar by 9 years ago

Discount supermarket Aldi is to rebrand as ‘ValueBastard’ in a move designed to appeal to its core customer base.

By emphasising the no frills experience inside every Aldi store, executives are hoping to entice a whole new demographic of cost-conscious consumers.

As one executive explained, “Here at ValueBastard we have absolutely no interest in your physical or emotional well-being.

“We are only interested in selling you the cheapest tin of beans it is humanly possible to create.

“Want to feed your family for a week on £15? Well, here at ValueBastard you can do just that.

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“The food won’t be nice, and the experience won’t be pleasant – at all – but we absolutely guarantee that it will be cheap.”

Marketing consultancy Smithson Walter Groome were tasked with the re-brand and will be leading the launch campaign.

Lead creative Dave Groome told us, “We have retained their classic styling and colouring, but decided to change the name to something which evoked how cheap everything is, and how little they care about you as an individual.

“Also, Aldi as a German name means very little in the English-speaking world.

“We believe ValueBastard is the very essence of what it means to be inexpensive and simultaneously awful.

Consumer Simon Williams told us, “I’ll be honest, I’m not sure I like the idea of shopping anywhere that is defined as a ‘bastard’ – but at least there are no expectations to fall short of.

“And hang on, you say the beans are HOW much?!

“So, where exactly is my nearest ValueBastard?”

[It’s been pointed out to us that comedian David O’Doherty made the very same Aldi/ValueBastard joke in one of his routines a good couple of years before we did. As such, it’s only right that you go and visit his site and maybe buy some of his recordings!)