I eat next to nothing except the blood of the living, claims Joanna Lumley

author avatar by 9 years ago

Actress Joanna Lumley gains all the sustenance she needs from the blood of the living, according to a new interview.

The eerily well-preserved star, who has ‘not gained a pound’ since the 1970s, outlined her diet tips to reporters in a late-night interview yesterday.

“I haven’t eaten a proper full meal since one terrible night in 1977, when it was shown to me what true living really is,” she said.

“It was like a veil was lifted, and I could see the world through new, visceral eyes – and I’ve never looked back.”

“Since then I’ve just nibbled. Mostly on people’s necks, with the occasional snack on household pets.”

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Joanna Lumley diet tips

Lumley, who has often been praised for keeping her looks and figure, was being interviewed for a BBC article in beauty tips.

She continued, “Some people swear by putting slices of cucumber of tea-bags on their eyes to sleep, but not me.”

“I just settle down nice and early every morning with a good book in a casket of the rich soil of my homeland.”

“I’ve never needed Botox or plastic surgery, which is a relief as it’s impossible to get blessed silver needles or scalpels.”

When asked if she regretted sticking to such a strict regime, Lumley said “Oh, it’s nothing compared to what Joan Collins has to do.”

“And if you’re wondering why nobody has seen Gareth Hunt since The New Avengers ended, well, now you know.”