As HSBC became the latest bank accused of helping its customer pay less tax, the search has begun for a rich person who chooses a bank based on how much tax they can help them pay.
The BBC’s Panorama show found evidence that HSBC had been attempting to help its customers keep as much of their money as possible, in a discovery they described as “shocking”.
However, those with even a modicum of intellect have asked why this is news, insisting that everyone has known for years that rich people choose their banks on the basis of which one can make them the most money.
Panorama viewer Simon Williams said. “Do you know what I’m sick of? It’s seeing the news full of rich people complaining that they can’t find a way to pay more tax.”
“You see them aimlessly wandering the high streets, going from bank to bank, pleading with someone inside to be creative and find a loophole to let them give more money to the exchequer.”
“All they want to do is pay more tax, and no-one will help them. It makes harrowing viewing.”
“Oh, no. My mistake – you never see that, ever. And that’s because only an idiot would think a bank isn’t a competitive entity looking to maximise financial returns for its customers within the legal framework in which it operates.”
“So, why don’t we all just assume that every bank has done absolutely everything within its power to help its rich customers avoid paying tax? Hmm?”
“And then maybe we could focus on creating TV shows that investigate the people who allowed the tax loopholes to stay open this long?”
“But then again, I really don’t want to see more of George Osborne and David Cameron on my TV.”