It’s because the eyeball worms all say their prayers, God tells Stephen Fry

author avatar by 9 years ago

God has informed Stephen Fry that he allows the continued existence of worms that blind children by eating their eyeballs from the inside out, because they say their prayers like good little parasites.

Fry claimed in an interview that no God would allow such horrific things to happen to children, apparently unaware of the power of prayer.

As God clarified, “I love those who love me first, that’s the rule – and these parasites really love me. Unconditionally.”

“How many children do you know that say their prayers to me – I mean really properly?”

“That’s right – hardly any, but let me tell you right now that those little parasites are incredibly thankfully for all the delicious children’s eyeballs I let them feast upon, day after day.”

“They’re constantly offering me thanks and prayers – which is what I truly crave after all – and that’s why I allow them to thrive.”

“Those kids Stephen Fry is so worried about are too busy trying fend off starvation and dysentery to get down on their knees and tell me how much they love me – so why should I look after them?”

“You go first with all the prayers, then I go second with the love and protection – that’s how it works.”

“Sometimes it looks like those eyeball parasites are on the verge of dying out, but then I’ll go out of my way to pick them up and put them in some new baby’s eyeball.”

“That’s how much I look after the entities who pray to me.”

“I tell you, Stephen Fry is just lucky that those dick eating parasites are all such heathens or he’d have a whole lot more to complain about.”