Liberal Democrats pledge referendum on Creme Eggs

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With fewer than 100 days to go to the election, the Liberal Democrats have made their first major policy announcement with a national referendum on the recipe for creme eggs.

At a packed meeting of the party faithful in Torquay town hall, Lib Dem leader laid out an “unbreakable pledge” to hold the vote within two months of re-entering government, “providing our coalition partners let us.”

“If there’s one thing the Liberal Democrats really stand for, it’s supporting the hard-working families of Britain, and this is somewhere we can really make a difference: minor recipe changes in seasonal confectionery.”

“I think we’ve pretty much found our level now”.

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He went on to paint a bleak picture of a majority Labour or Conservative administration, in which “middle britain” might have to make do with “funny-tasting chocolate” without Liberal Democrat intervention.

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When asked about education, the economy, the NHS, immigration, crime, electoral reform, or foreign policy, Nick Clegg waved questions away.

“I’ve been burnt like this before on that tuition fees thing.”

“You’re not catching me out like that a second time”, he concluded.