Yes we do have to talk about it, insist vegans

author avatar by 9 years ago

The nation’s vegans have today confirmed that yes, they do have to go on about it all of the time.

“What you have to understand is the first rule of vegan club is you must talk about vegan club”, said vegan spokesman Joe Rooney.

“We’re a bit like the Jehovah’s Witnesses and the Mormons in that respect.”

“It’s non-stop”, said Andrew Foster, who has several vegan friends .

“Especially on Facebook. If it’s not how healthy they are, it’s photos of something unappetising made of tofu and carrots.”

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“And if it’s not that it’s how they can definitely get enough protein without eating bacon. I can’t log on without getting hit by a recipe for nut cutlet.”

“All I ask is that they shut up about it for, like five minutes or something.”


Vegans, however, remain unrepentant.

As one explained, “We’ve got to talk about it. That’s literally the first rule.”

“And before you suggest we pipe down you should know that the second rule of vegan club is that if a non Vegan talks about it we’ve got to bitch about them doing so.”

“Rules three to six are about membership fees and voting rights, but the seventh rule is that we’ll go on about it as long as we have to.”

Non-vegan Andrew Foster went on, “I asked one of my vegan friends if they wanted a gingerbread man the other day, and they said they wouldn’t eat anything with a face.”

“I couldn’t even tell if they were taking the piss or not.”

Foster then glanced at his phone, before continuing, “For God’s sake, another link to an article about how great that Quinoa stuff is.”

When told that it is actually pronounced ‘Keen-wah’, Andrew said “How the fuck should I know that? I’m from Doncaster.”