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Carlsberg is to reduce the alcohol content of its Special Brew lager from 9% to 7.5% in an attempt to corner the lucrative health-conscious alcoholic market.
The brewing giant said although the 9% variation remained popular, it was not blind to the increasingly image-conscious nature of its main customers.
Carlsberg spokesperson Simon Williams explained, “Modern society has become more and more about image, we live in a world where selfie sticks are a thing.”
“No-one likes to be carrying a bit more weight around your middle than you need, especially if you have fit in a shop doorway overnight.”
“As such the new 7.5% Special Brew will be lower in calories than the previous version, and will be the perfect drink for someone wanting to get shitfaced after going to the gym, or trying to fit into the new coat they found discarded in a bin somewhere.”
“We feel that the unique mix of ever-so-slightly lower alcohol content, and the significant brand recognition of Special Brew could bring us millions of new customers amongst the health conscious alcoholic market.”
“It’s a much bigger market than you think. If you’re an alcoholic and you brush your teeth occasionally, you’re probably the sort of drinker willing to try our new Special Brew.”
“Now you can get absolutely arseholed without about 20% less guilt than you would previously.”
“Or, you know, you could buy 20% more of our product, up to you.”
