Nigerian towns in the north-east of the country have been urged to start satirical magazines in advance of further Boko Haram attacks.
With up to 2,000 people killed in recent attacks by the Islamic militants, many in the region are rueing their failure to adequately draw attention to themselves with satirical cartoons.
Doron Baga resident Simon Akinyemni told us, “There is literally blood on the streets here, but it’s clearly our own fault for not drawing cartoons of Boko Haram’s leader Abubakar Shekau being sodomised by the Prophet Mohammed.”
“If only we’d done that before they attacked us, then we might have a bit more help from the international community by now. We were stupid really.”
“I mean, everyone knows that if you want international support when you’re attacked by Islamic terrorists, then you must have offended them with a joke first.”
“Instead, all we did was try to provide a decent education for all of our children, which is pathetic when you think about it. Nothing satirical or funny about that.”
“Of course, we understand that freedom of speech is way more important than freedom of education – we should have realised that before now, and the sooner the people of Nigeria learn this, the better they will be.”
Boko Haram attacks
Some residents in the region have started magazines in their homes in anticipation of future attacks, in the hope it will bring support from across the world.
As one explained, “My new publication is called Boko Harem, and it’s got a cartoon of Abubakar Shekau being blindly fellated by his male followers. It is funny, yes?”
“It only has a circulation of just under four, but what’s important is that when you inevitably report on Boko Haram coming through my town and killing everyone before them, that you classify it as an attack on ‘freedom of speech’.”
“Will you do that for me?”