Nick Clegg to oppose communications data bill until he learns how to delete ‘browser history’

author avatar by 9 years ago

Nick Clegg has reaffirmed his opposition to a communications data bill or ‘snooper’s charter,’ and maintained that he will continue to oppose it until he learns how to delete his Internet browsing history.

“Look, I will fully support this Government’s dedication to fighting the war against terrorism,” he said as he frantically tried to close various pop-up windows on his laptop.

“But I cannot subscribe to a bill that will allow a Government to monitor people’s web activity,” before adding “Oh Christ, it’s rebooting now, why’s it doing that?”

“For example, a man may have been to certain websites, and I want to make it clear now that I didn’t know…I mean, the hypothetical man didn’t know what was on the websites and now they’ve infected his laptop with God only knows what and I’ve…I mean, he’s got enough to worry about with his wife finding out without the bloody Government-”

“I mean, I’m against it on principle.”

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When it was pointed out that all he needed to do was run a virus scan and click the delete internet history button, he appeared more conciliatory

“Oh. Right. Well, obviously, as a Government our first duty is to public safety and all that, essentially, I’ll just do as I’m told.”