The first question at each of the pre-election debates will be about the new Cadbury’s Creme Egg recipe, according to sources this morning.
The move comes after a survey revealed that the Cadbury Creme Egg recipe appears to be more important to the voting public than the NHS, the deficit, and immigration.
Voter Simon Williams told us, “They’ve taken the amount of Cocoa down to 14%, changed a load of other ingredients, and a multi-pack of eggs is now 5 instead of 6. Who buys eggs in fives? It’s outrageous!”
“I mean yes, I care about the NHS and want it protected, and I do have a few concerns over immigration, but this Cadbury’s Creme Egg is right in front of me and I want to know what the main parties are going to do about it.”
Each of the parties was given the opportunity to provide a short statement on the Cadbury Creme Egg crisis, in advance of the debates themselves:
Conservatives: “The reduction of eggs from 6 to 5 is an important austerity measure to keep the country on the right road to recovery.”
Labour: “Under a Labour government the multi-packs would have 7 eggs, as we recognise how important a strong Cadbury’s Creme Egg is to the nation.”
UKIP: “This is what happens when you let Johnny Foreigner come over here and take control of things that are important to us.”
Liberal Democrats: “My partner let me have one once, it was nice.”
Green Party: “Why are you still eating that shit?”