David Cameron announces plan to compel you to cc him on all emails

author avatar by 9 years ago

David Cameron has insisted that the security of the nation relies on you voluntarily cc’ing him on all emails you send in future.

The move comes as anyone with even a rudimentary understanding of technology told the Prime Minister that his plans to ban encrypted communications in the UK is simply never going to happen.

Mr Cameron spoke to reporters, telling them,  “I have been advised that my announcement yesterday about banning encryption made me sound like a tech-illiterate moron.”

“As such, today I am pleased to announce a revised plan which will merely see you required to cc me on all of your emails, add me to your online chats, and forward me all of your text messages.”

“This will be much cheaper, as we won’t have to do any actual hacking, and the hard work is done by you sending us everything you’re doing online.”

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“Despite a lot of eye-rolling I have been assured by my technology advisors that there are ‘no technological reasons’ why this won’t work – though apparently I might have to think about increasing the size of my data allowance.”

“To those denouncing my plans, I say that the security of our nation is paramount, and as such we can not let people continue to talk about things without us knowing exactly what they are saying.”

“Even if that means I have to read your emails to your Gran about how work is going and your roommate who won’t put the bins out.”

“But remember, we are not talking about creating a North Korean-style nanny state here – so you have the freedom to blind cc on your emails, you know if you’d prefer.”

“It’s your choice.”