The two gunmen responsible for the deadly attack on the Charlie Hebdo magazine are said to be surprised at their arrival in Hell after being killed by French policemen.
Cherif and Said Kouachi were shot dead by police just moments before arriving in a fiery Hell that will be their home for all eternity.
“Hang on, where are my virgins?” asked a surprised Cherif, seemingly unaware that his religion frowns upon the murder of innocent people.
“This isn’t what we signed up to, can I speak to someone in management?” added Said, before screaming in pain as a minion began slowly peeling the skin from his body.
It is understood that the brothers will be spending their days being forcefully sodomised by various devil like creatures, alongside paedophiles and other murderers, in temperatures far higher than would be considered ‘comfortable’.
Cherif Kouachi continued, “Every time I complain that this isn’t what Paradise is meant to be like, the tour guide in the red cloak laughs and say ‘yes, this is ‘Paradise‘ – always using those annoying air quote things.”
“I also don’t see any virgins, just a load of angry troll like creatures with red-hot pitch-forks. What’s that all about?”
At the time of writing, the forced sodomy had begun in earnest.