Satire dead, insist extremists

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Satire is dead, according to reports by religious extremists today.

The extremists behind the fatal shooting of twelve people at the Charlie Hebdo offices yesterday have claimed victory in the fight against people making jokes at their expense.

A spokesperson for the group who orchestrated the attacks told us, “What you have seen is a powerful demonstration of how guns and religious fanaticism can overcome any enemy, even one as nebulous as ‘satire’.”

“Yesterday religious satire was alive and well, and today it is dead. Because we successfully killed it. Yes we did.”

“You should read nothing into the fact that Charlie Hebdo’s Facebook page is gaining fans at a rate of over a hundred a minute, or that social media is currently plastered with satirical cartoons at our expense.”

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“Millions of tweets mentioning hashtags such as #JeSuisCharlie or #CharlieHebdo and the cartoons they created are nothing of importance, and in no way diminish our glorious victory.”

“The multiple gatherings of thousands of people in public places across the world in support of those we killed is nothing more than a desperately futile attempt to revive satire, which is definitely already dead.”

“These acts are merely the final gasping breaths of a vanquished foe who will definitely expire in a few minutes.”

“And yes, this is exactly how we thought it would go.”