North Korea Internet blackout blamed on nation’s use of TalkTalk account

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After the complete loss of Internet service to the belligerent and isolated nation of North Korea, security analysts have concluded it was caused by Kim Jong-Un signing up with TalkTalk.

North Korea has been without Internet access for days, a situation many TalkTalk customer described as ‘just about par for the course’.

Digital security analyst Simon Williams told us, “At first we thought it might be the American security services attacking the North Korean infrastructure, or maybe Chinese or Japanese government hackers getting sick of their problematic neighbour.”

“But the only force known to be capable of guaranteeing the loss of your Internet connection for this long is the TalkTalk ‘Totally Unlimited Broadband’ package.”

“I mean, three whole days without the internet? The CIA may be good, and the NSA could maybe take you down for a few hours at a time, but to do this for three days takes a whole different level of dedication.”

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“No-one takes away the Internet like TalkTalk, you can trust me on that.”

North Korean Internet package

A spokesman for the North Korean government refused to officially comment, but issued a statement saying they’d be delighted to talk to the press just as soon as TalkTalk customer services line took them off hold.

“There are only three people ahead of us in the queue,” explained the spokesperson.

“We’ve moved up two places in the queue since Sunday and don’t want to risk losing it now.”

“If I lose our place and have to call back I’ll be shot,” he concluded.