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Daily Mail staff are on the verge of starvation after their front-page search for a sandwich maker entered its second day without success.
After requesting the help of the entire nation in locating someone to make them a sandwich, Daily Mail staff are becoming dangerously hungry.
Nutritionist Simon Williams told us, “Everyone knows that when a sandwich maker goes missing, the first 24 hours are the most crucial – beyond that point they could be anywhere in the world, so I can understand their concern.”
“At the same time, the Daily Mail hates just about everyone when they’re well fed and watered, so I can’t imagine what their office is like today if they haven’t been able to eat since yesterday morning.”
“There might be literal bile alongside the metaphorical stuff that runs throughout their pages.”
Daily Mail search for sandwich maker
With hopes fading fast that the Daily Mail might be able to have a sandwich any time soon, members of the public have been quick to show their lack of concern.
Book owner Jerry Matthews told us, “I notice they haven’t offered any sort of reward for help in finding a sandwich maker, the tight buggers.”
“It’s probably because they’ve done a deal with Simon Cowell to launch Britain’s Got Sandwich makers. You just watch.”
However mother of three Tracey Jones told us, “I can make a sandwich, sure, but if the alternative is letting Daily Mail sub editors starve, then so be it – it’s a skill I’d happily forget.”
I think, therefore I am (not a Daily Mail reader)
