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Rebel Labour backbenchers have secretly approached TV presenter Adrian Chiles about leading the party into the next election.
“Yes, it is an unusual choice,” said an anonymous back bencher.
“But Ed Miliband has the charisma of some socks. We need someone who can connect with the electorate, and Adrian has that blokey man-in-the-pub charm that everyone likes.”
Mr Chiles, who currently earns 4.3 million pounds a year for hosting two radio shows a week and watching some football, is considering the offer.
“Well, I mean, I don’t know any Labour policies,” Mr Chiles was overheard saying to a friend.
“But then, neither does the Labour party, and at least I can eat a bacon sandwich.”
Labour leader change
Opinion amongst the Labour rank and file was mixed.
“Well, I really liked him when he did the One show,” said Christopher Paul, a party activist from Brighton.
“But he’s gone downhill a bit since then with that ‘Daybreak’ thing, so I’m not sure he’d be that good to lead the Labour party.”
But others were much more positive.
“He looks a bit grumpy but he’s really dead nice, like Gordon Brown,” said Alexandra Greene from Leeds.
“He’s dead good with people too, I heard him do an interview on 5live with a man who found a hat in the bin. It was dead good.”
It is thought that party back benchers have been sounding out other potential leaders such as Andy Burnham, Jeremy Vine, Joey Essex and a man they met in the pub called Gary.
