Tuesday 4 November 2014 by Gary Stanton

John Lewis Xmas ad to feature Nigel Farage taking in a family of Syrians

Nigel Farage in John Lewis advert

This year’s John Lewis Christmas advert will feature UKIP leader Nigel Farage offering sanctuary to a family of workshy Syrian refugees, it has emerged.

The two-minute advert begins with the trusty xenophobe going about his usual business of distorting statistics and being unreceptive to Herman Van Rompuoy.

John Lewis’ Chief of Advertising, Simon Williams, said, “As Christmas draws nearer, we see Mr Farage’s character undergo a bizarre metamorphosis.”

“On Christmas Eve, eight Syrians and their donkey turn up on Nigel’s doorstep in the middle of a blizzard.”

“They explain, in broken English, how they lost their home after Ian Duncan Smith extended the bedroom tax to container lorries.”

“At first Farage’s instinctive racism kicks in as he quips ‘I see you’ve brought the weather with you’.”

“But sensing a great PR opportunity he tells the family: “You can stay for a couple of days, but don’t take the piss.”

“And whatever you do, don’t go near the memorabilia room.”

“As the group tuck into Christmas dinner, Nigel comes to see the Syrians less as evil spongers and more as human beings, albeit with middle eastern ancestry.”

John Lewis Christmas advert

Williams continued, “We had a bit of time to fill, so on Boxing Day things there’s a little dramatic twist when Farage discovers one of the urchins has head lice.”

“He’s worried the infestation will spread to his cat Himmler, but everything turns out fine when his wife initiates a delousing program.”

He added, “If people can make an emotional investment in a woodland love story based on creatures with mismatching genitals then surely a non-racist UKIP politician isn’t too much of a stretch.”

“It’s like Bear and Hare with a lot less fur and the odd racial slur.”

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