Friday 31 October 2014

Diet lager to become a ‘thing’

Diet lager

After public health doctors called for alcohol to contain calories warnings to help fight obesity, the inevitable countdown to ‘diet lager’ began.

The Royal Society for Public Health said that many morons had no idea drinking made you fat, and that we all need brightly coloured traffic light stickers on all of our drinks in future.

A spokesperson explained, “So many people seem to think that four pints and a salad equals a healthy lunch. Sure, it makes the afternoon fly by, but you’ve consumed about a thousand calories right there.”

“We would like calorie warnings on all beers, wines and spirits, so consumers can make an informed choice over how obese they want to become, and weight that up against how much fun they want to have.”

“Putting warnings on addictive things that are bad for you stops people using them all the time. Just look at cigarettes, nobody smokes these days – OK, bad example.”

Calorie counting for alcohol

The alcohol industry has welcomed the call and insisted they have several brands of diet alcohol waiting to go.

As one executive told us, “Diet Isotonic Stella Artois could be in the shelves by Christmas, you just need to say the word.”

Consumers however are less than enthusiastic about another change to a thing they love to do by people who should just leave them well alone.

Drinker Simon Williams told us, “I’m overweight, sure, but I don’t see how a diet lager would make any difference.”

“My weight is actually only an issue when I’m sober. The more I drink the better I look – to me, anyway.”

“And it makes me a better dancer. Drink is brilliant.”

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