Friday 31 October 2014

Annual ‘demanding money with menaces’ amnesty underway

Trick or Treat

The annual amnesty allowing young people to demand rewards from perfect strangers as an incentive not to do them harm, has begun.

Until tomorrow morning heavily disguised youngsters will be knocking your door insisting you give them items of value to ensure they don’t inflict damage upon you, or your personal property.

These demands are perfectly legal due to the government amnesty which allows anti-social behaviour on 31st October only.

A government spokesperson said, “Yes, when you put it in black and white like that it does seem a little off, but it’s only for one day each year.

“Plus it’s a bit of fun, and gives young people some real-world experience of the tactics they’ll need if they join the world of high finance.”

Reading resident Simon Williams explained the terror that the evening brings for him and his neighbours.

He told us, “Each knock on the door is more sinister than the last. Last year this young girl was dressed in a tuxedo with her seven-foot father stood at her shoulder.

“She demanded ‘something chocolate’ and stamped her foot. It felt like a shakedown from a mob boss with small-man syndrome.

“You have to do what they say, but you can’t make direct eye contact with them or comment on their appearance for fear of inciting the ‘minder’. It’s a bloody minefield.”

There are also concerns that the amnesty is being exploited by loan-sharks and other criminals, who have found a legal loophole permitting them to threaten and harm anyone they like as long as they offer the choice of ‘trick or treat’ before proceeding.

However, a government official concluded, “Look, the best advice we can offer is that if you don’t want to be a victim of crime, just don’t open your door until tomorrow.”

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