Thursday 30 October 2014

Homophobic iPad owners furious at Tim Cook for making things they love

Tim Cook gay

Homophobic iPad and iPhone owners have reacted to the news that Apple CEO Tim Cook is gay by angrily punching messages of hate into a device they absolutely love.

The Apple CEO came out in an essay for Bloomberg Businessweek in the hope it might inspire others in a minority to aspire to greater things, and to ruin the day of tech-savvy homophobes everywhere.

As a result of the announcement, homophobic technology users across the world have been left confused and angry Cook’s sexual preference.

Homophobe Simon Williams said, “I love my iPad, but I hate the gays. So I’m writing angrily on social media into this thing I love about these people I hate.”

“But I can only hate them online, which I love doing, because the people I hate made this thing I love. Which I hate.”

“Look, now my brain hurts.”

“Probably because my iPhone is trying to push gay brain rays into my 100% straight head. I bet that’s what he’s been up to all this time!”

Tim Cook gay

Other homophobes have said they will readily take their business to another mobile platform, just as soon another platform is willing to confirm that they do not employ any ‘filthy homosexuals’.

Dave Matthews, who would like it known is ‘100% into chicks’, told us, “Gays should stick to making things like dresses and wallpaper, not brilliant consumer technology – it’s not right, not according to the Bible”

“I tell you now, I’ll go to Android tomorrow – if Google can just quickly announce there are no gays whatsoever amongst their employees. Not one.”

“Hell, I’m so angry right now I’d even consider moving to Windows mobile, but they had all better be super straight over in Seattle.”

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