Friday 24 October 2014

Women form queue to be impregnated by undercover policeman

Undercover cop payout

A woman awarded £400,000 after she had a child with an undercover policeman has led to women forming queues outside police stations across the country.

Women everywhere have said that four hundred grand to have a baby with an undercover policeman is a much better deal than getting a council flat and child allowance when you have a baby with someone you barely like anyway.

Mother of two Katie Matthews told us, “£400k is a lot of money, definitely. And from what I’ve read all she had to do to get that money was have a baby with a man who lied through his teeth to her the whole time they were together?”

“By that calculation I’m owed £800k by someone. Who do I see about that then?”

Undercover baby payout

A spokesperson for the Met said that although the payment was fair, it was dangerous to set a precedent for lying men to be liable for hundreds of thousands of pounds in damages.

The spokesperson explained, “If men are left with no choice but to tell the truth at all times with the women they form relationships with, where will we be then? Absolute chaos, that’s where.”

The award has also been welcomed by single men everywhere, with 28 year old Simon Williams explaining, “It’s my new chat up line, actually.”

“I used to pretend I was a fireman when I was out, but now I tell them I’m an undercover policeman and they can’t get me back to their place fast enough.”

“Thanks Met police!”

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