Monday 20 October 2014 by Neil Tollfree

Put all immigrants in cages, say Labour

Immigrant cages for Labour

The Labour party have made a pledge to put all immigrants in cages should they win the next general election.

The pledge is the latest in a series of attempts by the main parties to be as unpleasant as possible to people wishing to come and live in the UK.

Earlier this month, the Tories proposed making all immigrants wear pointed ‘dunce’ like hats with the letter ‘I’ on them

The Liberal Democrat policy on immigrants is to have a monthly ‘immigrants day’ where all immigrants walk through their local town and allow local people to shout abuse at them

“People are voting UKIP,” said Shadow Home Secretary Yvette Cooper.

“We understand why people are doing that and so we at the Labour party feel that it’s time we were considerably nastier to immigrants than UKIP.”

“I mean, it’s either that or stand up and make a cogent argument about why UKIP’s dog whistle politics on immigration is wrong – and frankly, we can’t be bothered.”

Parties take on UKIP

The Tory party’s attitude to UKIP was similar.

“What, appeal to the nation’s better side and make a convincing argument against UKIP?” said Home Secretary Theresa May.

“No, it’s far easier to bribe the electorate with a little foreigner-bashing.”

The other smaller parties have yet to come up with any coherent policies on being unpleasant to foreigners but an independent MP overheard saying that immigration ‘probably needs sorting out, but it’s not a big deal,’ has since been hounded out of office.

Nigel Farage was too drunk to comment on this latest development.

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