by There were jubilant scenes at London Bridge station this morning as a train arrived on time.
Station drone Barry Watts told reporters, “It was timetabled to arrive at 8:46, so naturally we were expecting it some time after nine.”
“I couldn’t believe it when I heard, I was arguing with an old woman in a wheelchair, and it came over the tannoy that the ’46 would arrive on time. Well, I had to see this. So, I just left her.”
“I didn’t care if she used the lift outside authorised hours or anything.”
Even though the train didn’t come to a complete halt until 8:49, it had signal clearance to enter the platform at 8:46 and apparently ‘that still counts’.
There was a hastily arranged celebration in honour of driver Dave Gibson, but he was unable to take part.
“Sorry mate,” said Gibson, “No time to chat, they got me this four-pack of Carling in, and I want to get that down me before I take the Brighton express out.”
Afterwards, save for a dusting of confetti and the lingering smell of used party poppers, there was no sign of the morning’s achievement and the station was back to normal.
“It really was quite something,” said a railway spokesperson, “trains were invented in 1794 so that’s, what, over two hundred years of trying to get a train to run on time.”
When asked if the public could expect to see more trains run on time, the spokesperson dissolved into giggles and muttered something about giving it another two hundred years and seeing what happens.
