Dozens of technology users have been killed with hundreds more injured as fighting escalated amongst rival technology factions last night.
What began as a minor skirmish in the YouTube comments of an iPhone review, soon became a running street battle in which scores of pedestrians were unwittingly involved.
As one eye-witness explained, “One group was chanting something about everything the iPhone has, Android has had for ages – and the other side kept shouting ‘our stuff just works’. It was a bit confusing, to be honest.
“But they were each extremely passionate about their side of the argument. However, it does seem that this passion might have led to them getting carried away a little bit.
“There was this one kid, who I’d guess was 18 or 19 – he screamed ‘Android till I die!’ as he ran towards a group of iPhone users wielding what looked like a samurai sword.
“I didn’t see him again after that, but I think we can assume it didn’t end well.”
Meanwhile, others have said that some streets of San Francisco resemble a bloodbath, where bitter fighting has seen both sides lose dozens of frontline soldiers.
As technology expert Simon Williams explained, “The battle for mobile platform superiority is a bit like the movie Highlander – there can be only one.
“But the fact that they are both essentially the same things seems to mean absolutely nothing to these people.”
The interview was halted at this point as both sides turned their anger towards our expert and began hurling molotov cocktails in their direction.