Thursday 4 September 2014

Rooney’s inspiring speech mistaken for drone of strimmer

Wayne Rooney team talk

Wayne Rooney’s stirring first speech as England captain went largely unnoticed by teammates who presumed the noise to be a mechanical drone.

Rooney was attempting to motivate his colleagues ahead of England’s friendly against Norway, a game which nobody can remember organising but which nevertheless must be honoured.

Having been entrusted with the honour of leading the team by Roy Hodgson, Rooney was keen to rally his troops but his Churchillian monologue didn’t have the desired effect on the other players, who weren’t aware that the Manchester United man was speaking.

“I did hear a noise,” John Stones admitted. “It was kind of a repetitive humming sound and I could see it was irritating several of the lads.

“We all just presumed it was the groundsman doing some last-minute preparations on the pitch, so we just carried on pulling on our kit and making lewd, artless remarks.

“Every now and again it did sound like someone was saying something about loving your nation and I thought I heard someone mention ‘the greatest honour a footballer can have’, but I don’t see how that would have anything to do with playing for England anyway.”

Rooney was named England captain six days ago after all the other names on Hodgson’s shortlist were found to be fictional or long dead.

The former Everton man hailed the appointment as ‘the realisation of a dream’ and celebrated by realising his other childhood dream of eating nine consecutive dinners.

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